this hit my heart hard this am...
"the world is too much with you, My child. your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. when you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. though i learn to help, i will not violate your freedom. i stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you.
when you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter. circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together. your compulsion to 'fix' everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. together we can handle whatever this day brings."
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
we believe.
i had an admin meeting yesterday. they happen about every two weeks, and it's just six of us- people i work with everyday, people i laugh with and share things with and just thoroughly enjoy on a personal and professional level. however, when i am in these meetings, i become small. i stop trusting my thoughts and contributions and instead, sit and wait. i get a little antsy as the words pile up and i am scribing silly ideas i know in my head won't work. do i say anything? no, i sit back and remain little. i don't know how to find my voice in these meetings, and don't trust what i say to be professional or worthy.
i am a therapist two to three days a week. i counsel lots of women and children- young to old, normal to crazy. i sit alone in a room with self-mutilation, eating disorders, borderline personalities, dysfunctional relationships, broken hearts and ruined marriages. the people that embody these issues sit and look me in the eye, expecting me to know what to say. and i talk to them. i even, dare i say, help them. i don't really know what happens, but they come back, week after week. i don't ever know what to say in this room, alone with these people and their issues, but i trust that what i say is worthy and helpful.
i am baffled that in one meeting, with colleagues and friends, i am small and afraid. in the other meeting, one on one with real-life, big issues and strangers, i meet my fears head on and speak, even when i'm unsure. what gives?
belief.
sometimes i don't feel a lot of conviction, motivation, or even desire, to follow my beliefs. i can't lie- sometimes it would be easier to just go against what i know i believe and go drink those drinks, date that one guy, or do that stupid thing on a friday night. but somewhere inside, i have this powerful belief that keeps me from those harmful things. being small in an admin meeting, the only person i hurt is myself: i have been told by my coworkers that i could run the company if i wanted to- i just don't believe that. in a therapy session, i have no idea what i am doing, really, i just do what i feel led to do and what feels appropriate. simply put, i just believe in myself.
my beliefs are the same way. many times i don't know what i am doing, at all, i just do what i feel led to do, and what feels appropriate. i follow what is inside me- those ingrained beliefs- and i always end up ok. even better than ok- great, usually. it's uncomfortable, the same way being a therapist with no clue is uncomfortable. but i know it's right. the same way that i have something inside me that is built to connect to others one on one is the same thing that's built inside me to belief- it's the Spirit of the Lord that dwells within me, giving me the power to do what i do not think i know how to do.
Monday, May 17, 2010
my own version of Beaches...
Thank you girls for tonight, and all the other nights. I wanted to share, but didn't want to be too cheesy, about how wonderfully inspiring tonight was- although some came in with bad days, some with newly blossoming love in their heart- (or tans on their FACES, lindsay), i feel like we are finally at a point where we can all come together and share- live life together, with God. Meet each other where we all are- imperfect, tired sinners. I love that we can share our strengths, our weaknesses, our struggles. We offer solutions for one another and we let each other cry out as our outer shells crack, and vulnerability seeps out. We laugh with each other (and at each other) and remind each other to not take life so seriously. But when it is serious, I know you are there for me.
I have always wanted best friends, and always wanted to be friends with strong, young Christian women. I never really envisioned the two desires to intersect; and yet I feel like this group is getting closer to being both. So thank you, girls, for sharing your life, your passion, and yourselves with all of us for a few hours every night. It makes every other interaction with you so very meaningful to me :)
love kj
I have always wanted best friends, and always wanted to be friends with strong, young Christian women. I never really envisioned the two desires to intersect; and yet I feel like this group is getting closer to being both. So thank you, girls, for sharing your life, your passion, and yourselves with all of us for a few hours every night. It makes every other interaction with you so very meaningful to me :)
love kj
Friday, May 14, 2010
Sex God
At first I was writing this as a response to Kaci's post on purity. Then I realized I had a bit more to say:
This is a hard one I think. My first thought is: I think that sex and sexuality are meant for marriage and I'm guessing that when they are done in the right context, it will be a spiritual, physcial, emotional connection. (Stuff we all know.) Not just spiritual with your partner, but I believe God too. I think God designed sex to be beautiful and to demonstrate and give us a peek into the intimate relationship He has with Himself and that He wants with us. Think about the connection with the other person you feel when you experience sexual intimacy. Strong? Complete? Safe? Content? Secure? Elated? Maybe we were MEANT to feel this way when we experience sexual intimacy because God created it to show us what He is like; He is a relational God and I see glimpses of Him when I experience wonderful relationships, be it friendships or boyfriends. Like Christ's love for the church is an example for marriage, the intimacy of sex is an example of just how intimate He is with Himself and with us. (I'm refering to the kind of intimacy sex brings, not saying God is sexual with Himself or wants to be sexual with us.)
I believe God designed the marriage bed to be safe for us to explore our sexuality because outside of it He knew how painful it would be to give of ourselves to multiple people. Our heart gets attached to each person, making our heart and body a sort of thrift store item for our future spouse. Used, although it may be gently, it is still used. Not that I am doubting that God can't redeem us (He HAS and WILL!) but His desire is to see us safe, secure and pure. His guidelines are there to protect us-like a Father.
I also think that thinking of purity as a way of protecting your own body and what you know you have to offer someone helps with the purity process. Think of yourself as having something very valuable to offer, something that you know someone will appreciate, but you only want to give it to that ONE special person. When I think of my body in a sense of something precious, I only want to give it away to a certain extent. We protect our hearts like it is something valuable and retract it when we know there is harm coming, or the relationship is not safe - we should view our bodies the same. "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18.
Although I do not believe in Rob Bell's theology as a whole and take it with a grain of salt, this book is amazing on the topic of Sex and God and how they relate.
http://www.zondervan.com/Cultures/en-US/Product/ProductDetail.htm?ProdID=com.zondervan.9780310263463&QueryStringSite=Zondervan
Maybe we can stay connected to God during those hard moments of staying pure by remembering that it is a picture of how much He loves us, but when we experience it away from marriage, it is not experienced to the full potential.
Lia
This is a hard one I think. My first thought is: I think that sex and sexuality are meant for marriage and I'm guessing that when they are done in the right context, it will be a spiritual, physcial, emotional connection. (Stuff we all know.) Not just spiritual with your partner, but I believe God too. I think God designed sex to be beautiful and to demonstrate and give us a peek into the intimate relationship He has with Himself and that He wants with us. Think about the connection with the other person you feel when you experience sexual intimacy. Strong? Complete? Safe? Content? Secure? Elated? Maybe we were MEANT to feel this way when we experience sexual intimacy because God created it to show us what He is like; He is a relational God and I see glimpses of Him when I experience wonderful relationships, be it friendships or boyfriends. Like Christ's love for the church is an example for marriage, the intimacy of sex is an example of just how intimate He is with Himself and with us. (I'm refering to the kind of intimacy sex brings, not saying God is sexual with Himself or wants to be sexual with us.)
I believe God designed the marriage bed to be safe for us to explore our sexuality because outside of it He knew how painful it would be to give of ourselves to multiple people. Our heart gets attached to each person, making our heart and body a sort of thrift store item for our future spouse. Used, although it may be gently, it is still used. Not that I am doubting that God can't redeem us (He HAS and WILL!) but His desire is to see us safe, secure and pure. His guidelines are there to protect us-like a Father.
I also think that thinking of purity as a way of protecting your own body and what you know you have to offer someone helps with the purity process. Think of yourself as having something very valuable to offer, something that you know someone will appreciate, but you only want to give it to that ONE special person. When I think of my body in a sense of something precious, I only want to give it away to a certain extent. We protect our hearts like it is something valuable and retract it when we know there is harm coming, or the relationship is not safe - we should view our bodies the same. "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18.
Although I do not believe in Rob Bell's theology as a whole and take it with a grain of salt, this book is amazing on the topic of Sex and God and how they relate.
http://www.zondervan.com/Cultures/en-US/Product/ProductDetail.htm?ProdID=com.zondervan.9780310263463&QueryStringSite=Zondervan
Maybe we can stay connected to God during those hard moments of staying pure by remembering that it is a picture of how much He loves us, but when we experience it away from marriage, it is not experienced to the full potential.
Lia
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Roots
Recently I have been thinking about how disconnected I have begun to feel with God and wondering what it is that is making me feel this way. Instantly I think of the one picture that pops into my head every time I think of this and the one image that sums up Christianity for me:
I want to be this tree. This tree represents having roots firmly planted in the good soil of the Word, constant connection with Jesus and His Spirit with room to grow and expand. This tree has a solid foundation. I envision the roots of the tree being the heart of the person. Because the roots (heart) of the person are firmly planted in the soil of His Word, a healthy tree will grow and produce fruit. However, most of the time I feel like this kind of tree:
The kind of tree who has shallow roots but is trying to produce fruit without being connected. I also think as Christians we get caught up in the "fruit" of Christianity and seek after the result before our roots have had time to connect (the first step). How would we be able to produce things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control without these roots? But this is what I find myself doing most all the time: I seek after the fruits and try to make myself "better" in those areas, but it is not long lasting. Soon after I "change" I resort to being frustrated, unloving, selfish and easily angered. Then I wonder what happened. Then I realize that my roots are not plugged in.
I am desiring REAL change. I am also learning that one of my habits is rooted in the belief of changing my behaviors and since I believe that I should change my behavior first, my heart gets over looked.
I believe we will all find the long lasting change we desire when we set our roots firmly in the Lord and His Word. I make time for everything else in my daily routine, but somehow He gets pushed to the side.
I am hopeful.
Here is a link to an Utmost for His Highest that has made my mind spin and my heart reconsider what it is valuing:
Lia
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Purity thoughts.
So RaRa leaves for AK today, and she has asked for multiple prayers in her journey with purity and a hot, long distance boyfriend. RaRa, I don't blame you (those abs of his...) :)
RaRa has said a few somethings to me in the past few days about purity that make me think... once, we were talking about clothes or church, or even both, and she said something about not wearing a specific low-cut shirt because she didn't want to tempt any man to think impure thoughts. In my head I thought, "yeah, I respect that- but, they should control their thoughts! That's not our job! It's not like you're dressing slutty!" A few days ago we were talking again, and she mentioned wanting to be very careful about not doing anything with her man to make him think lustful things when they are together.
These talks both kind of rocked my world because I have always thought of purity being something I controlled about myself- my thoughts, my actions, mine mine mine. I had never really thought about what I do as having an affect on another's purity... don't get me wrong: I try to make sure to dress conservatively for the most part, and make sure I'm not flashing this hot legs all over town, but I think if I'm honest, I do that for my own comfort rather than the protection of others' purity... (I don't like thinking that some strange guy could be thinking lustful thoughts about me just by looking at my outfit or whatever).
That said, these thoughts have been kind of swirling around my head, and in my latest 'tete-a-tete' with the Runner, I realized that I am in NO way doing my part in keeping our relationship lust-free. Yes, I have decent 'brakes' and can say no when I feel like it's going in a lustful direction for me- but I have no concept of stopping my attempts at being 'sexy' or whatever, when we're being physical To put it bluntly, it's easy to say, "Oh no, that's my 'line'- don't cross it by doing that, please." It's so much harder for me to say, "Oh no, what I am doing to you is making you think lustful things, I've crossed your line, I need to stop now". What a CONCEPT for me!
Now, I'm feeling a few different things: 1) a need to ask for forgiveness from the Lord for my misguided and wrong thoughts about what I can do to remain pure in a relationship- for both me and a man; and 2) a need to re-evaluate what's going on with the Runner- I'm feeling like I want to take more responsibility for our physical relationship, and I'm also wanting him to be more of a leader in this arena. I think I will need to also ask his forgiveness for tempting him with lustful thoughts and making it quite difficult for us to be pure, together.
Also, as another point: I need to involve God more in these day to day actions of a relationship. Correction: I want to involve him more. I know it feels better when He's involved, and it's not up to me or the Runner to find the line and toe it. I desperately want God to be the center of whatever relationships I have, especially one with a man. This is where the 60-60 idea comes in, too: my watch totally beeped in the middle of our makeout session, and it was like, "Wait. Jesus time, right NOW?" I feel like if I am prayerful and following the Lord in His hand in my relationship, it won't be weird when Jesus time is in the middle of a makeout session, or whatever... cause I'll be so connected I'll know I'm doing what I should be, not just what I want to be.
Does that even make sense? Have you even read this far? What are your thoughts, girls? In terms of purity struggles, where do you find your hardest battles and how (or) do you stay connected to God while you're in the heat of the moment?
RaRa has said a few somethings to me in the past few days about purity that make me think... once, we were talking about clothes or church, or even both, and she said something about not wearing a specific low-cut shirt because she didn't want to tempt any man to think impure thoughts. In my head I thought, "yeah, I respect that- but, they should control their thoughts! That's not our job! It's not like you're dressing slutty!" A few days ago we were talking again, and she mentioned wanting to be very careful about not doing anything with her man to make him think lustful things when they are together.
These talks both kind of rocked my world because I have always thought of purity being something I controlled about myself- my thoughts, my actions, mine mine mine. I had never really thought about what I do as having an affect on another's purity... don't get me wrong: I try to make sure to dress conservatively for the most part, and make sure I'm not flashing this hot legs all over town, but I think if I'm honest, I do that for my own comfort rather than the protection of others' purity... (I don't like thinking that some strange guy could be thinking lustful thoughts about me just by looking at my outfit or whatever).
That said, these thoughts have been kind of swirling around my head, and in my latest 'tete-a-tete' with the Runner, I realized that I am in NO way doing my part in keeping our relationship lust-free. Yes, I have decent 'brakes' and can say no when I feel like it's going in a lustful direction for me- but I have no concept of stopping my attempts at being 'sexy' or whatever, when we're being physical To put it bluntly, it's easy to say, "Oh no, that's my 'line'- don't cross it by doing that, please." It's so much harder for me to say, "Oh no, what I am doing to you is making you think lustful things, I've crossed your line, I need to stop now". What a CONCEPT for me!
Now, I'm feeling a few different things: 1) a need to ask for forgiveness from the Lord for my misguided and wrong thoughts about what I can do to remain pure in a relationship- for both me and a man; and 2) a need to re-evaluate what's going on with the Runner- I'm feeling like I want to take more responsibility for our physical relationship, and I'm also wanting him to be more of a leader in this arena. I think I will need to also ask his forgiveness for tempting him with lustful thoughts and making it quite difficult for us to be pure, together.
Also, as another point: I need to involve God more in these day to day actions of a relationship. Correction: I want to involve him more. I know it feels better when He's involved, and it's not up to me or the Runner to find the line and toe it. I desperately want God to be the center of whatever relationships I have, especially one with a man. This is where the 60-60 idea comes in, too: my watch totally beeped in the middle of our makeout session, and it was like, "Wait. Jesus time, right NOW?" I feel like if I am prayerful and following the Lord in His hand in my relationship, it won't be weird when Jesus time is in the middle of a makeout session, or whatever... cause I'll be so connected I'll know I'm doing what I should be, not just what I want to be.
Does that even make sense? Have you even read this far? What are your thoughts, girls? In terms of purity struggles, where do you find your hardest battles and how (or) do you stay connected to God while you're in the heat of the moment?
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Prayer Request from Monday, May 3
Here are the prayer requests from last night's group
Lia: To trust God with her work and living situations... to pray for her will to match God's will in these areas... her parents in Israel...her relationship with Taq and their sexual purity...
Rachel E: patience with Mother's Day this weekend...
Rachel A: for her trip to AK... sexual purity with Nate.... God's will for their relationship and future...
Katie: peace... mindset...her heart as Grant, her best friend, moves away...
Lindsay: peace...
Jenny: dad's health, mom's relationship with dad... anxiety and control.... learning how to not find her identity in tests and 'proving' herself...
Kaci: God's direction/will for her house, family, boy, new roommate...God's hand on struggle with depressed thoughts... decision and His will for possible Africa trip....
Bienvenidos!
hello dear friends and welcome to our BLOG!
we envision this space as a place for us to communicate: post questions, updates, prayer requests and praises, and just general writings regarding our relationship with God and our journey in getting to revolutionize our souls towards Him!
don't forget, next monday night, May 10, group will start at 7:00pm at Kaci's house- and we'll be serving french toast! YUM!
we envision this space as a place for us to communicate: post questions, updates, prayer requests and praises, and just general writings regarding our relationship with God and our journey in getting to revolutionize our souls towards Him!
don't forget, next monday night, May 10, group will start at 7:00pm at Kaci's house- and we'll be serving french toast! YUM!
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